Gloomy on 38

Today... 38 day...
I was unhappy and feel so down...
because I was hurt by some words that spoken out by someone...
I am not "XX"...
Please don't always say me like that...
I'm not that person that you always scold out...
I am not... I'm absolutely not that kind of person..
I am not being that kind of person...
Please... Please...
I have my own self-esteem...
Please don't use that kind of words to insult me...
Although I didn't show any expression...
But... I am hurt... I am sad... You know?
But You won't know it...
Because you have used to scold ppl like this...
You won't be conscious of it...
Especially me ~
You only thought that I am weak and not independent...
I won't be tough and strong at all...
I also hope to be an "useful" and successful person...
But sometimes your words are driving me to crazy...
You always hit me by unconsciously...
I am hurt and sad always...
but nobody knows...
Nobody nobody nobody....

Perhaps of always hearing some hurt words...
I become more and more no confident...
I become more and more useless...
I don't dare to do my own decision even though I just wanna request for something...
But I am so scare to express out...
because I know that my thought will be rejected by someone always..
Seems that I do not have my own freedom to do whatever...
Actually not...
But just... I don't know how to express myself only..
I afraid to be hurt by those words once again...
I do not have confident...
I lost it... I am scare.....

Gloomy is my today's mood description.........